Growth or Regret?

Regrets and mistakes... Lessons and growth. 

The way we choose to think about the past is all about perspective. We can let it change us. We can wish to turn back the clock. We can let it haunt us forever. We can live with regrets, or we can learn from our choices and cherish our past for what it is. 

Maybe it helps teach us a valuable life lesson. Maybe it helps us understand the reasoning behind someone else’s actions. Maybe it provides us with the information we need to make our next move… our next choice. Whatever it may be, every action and decision we made in the past, shapes our present and future… bringing us one step closer to where we need to be.  

So, before you become consumed by sadness and regret… look around. Take a moment to appreciate where you are and what you have. 

What if living differently then took away all you have now? Would you be happier? Maybe… Maybe not.

We’ve all done some “damage” to ourselves and others. We’ve all said things and done things that we didn’t mean… things we wish we could take back. But, if one door never closes… a new one can never open. 

Life’s not a game. We don’t get to control the outcome. The inevitable is bound to happen at some point. Friendships not meant to last will eventually end. Relationships will come and go. But the people who are your forever crew will stick with you through anything.  

I’ll be honest with you, my life’s been HARD lately. I lost a boyfriend. I made and lost a few friend-friends. But, with all that I lost comes all that I gained. 

I've learned to accept that I'm not meant for everyone, and not everyone is meant for me. Sadly, some people come into our lives just to teach us a lesson, and that's all they were here to do. Eventually, they have to leave and we have to let them go.

If you’re lucky, these people will leave a permanent imprint on your heart. They are one of the good ones. They are the people who change you for the better… bringing you friendship, hope, and a new outlook on life. Losing a good person will never make sense. They are usually your easiest hello and hardest goodbye.

But... goodbyes are needed. Especially the ones we don't expect or wish never happened. The hard goodbyes teach us to embrace and cherish everything we do with everyone we meet. You never know if you'll get to love someone forever or have to lose them for good. 

So, instead of wishing for life to be easy… acknowledge why it has to be hard. 

If life was a cakewalk, no one would appreciate anything. Heartbreak makes love more beautiful. Hurt makes happiness shine brighter. Losing something or someone makes you more appreciative of where you are and what you have. So much of what happens in life is out of our control. The outcomes of our actions might not be what we want, but it will always be what we need. 

So, what we need to do with love and loss is appreciate where it takes us. Maybe we had to lose them so we could find ourselves. Find ourselves our group of forever friends. Find ourselves a reason to start living for us instead of them. Find ourselves open to all the possibilities life has to offer. Maybe we love and lose so we're reminded that our heart works fine in the first place... that we actually can AND want to love and be loved. 

My advice to you is to question it, think it through, and make the best decision you can in each moment. Then, respect your choices. Never expect yourself to “know better.” Humans can’t know better. We are instinctual beings that typically only know how to act in the now. We analyze, assess, and face new situations every day. We make millions of in-moment choices, and we trust that they are the right ones at the time. Looking back, sure, there are things we may have done differently. Hindsight’s always 20/20 when it is over ;). But all those things we wish we could change are the learning experiences that help shape our future. 

So, control what you can and let go of all you can’t. You can dwell on a past you will NEVER be able to change, or you can live now and worry less about the future. You have to trust the process that is life. 

What's meant for you is meant for you, and one day it will be.

Those painful memories of the past will weigh you down way less if they are viewed as ”lessons and growth,” instead of remembered as “regrets and mistakes.”

Virtual hugs, 

Steph